19th May 2009

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Porcupine fends off russian rapists

Two Russian tourists sought treatment for horrible porcupine-inflicted injuries after they tried to get frisky with one of the spiny beasts on a dare from drunk friends.

Anton, 32, and Evgeny, 30, of St. Petersburg, were enjoying a visit to sunny Florida when, during an evening of drinking with pals, they came across an antiquated state law that forbids sex with porcupines.

“We’re here to have as much fun as we can,” Anton reportedly remarked, and the boys and their party trekked off into the Floridian wilds in search of a victim.

Unfortunate for Anton and Evgeny, they found one. Russia’s Tvoy Den tabloid doesn’t go into the exact details of the injuries, but the Russia Today blog says, “the damage caused by the porcupine fighting for its honor was horrific. Both Anton and Evgeny had severe inflammation and nearly lost their private parts.”

Tags porcupinesattacksridiculous humans

24th April 2009

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This nocturnal beast will say good night

First the Skyfari trams were grounded, now the Bronx Zoo has announced that it will close another one of its best attractions: World of Darkness.

Apparently even after those porcupine PSA videos made the rounds and generated some cash for the zoo, the budget can no longer support World of Darkness, the Rare Animal Range and exhibits of two different kinds of antelope, the Arabian oryx and the blesbok.

Fans of the Zoo know that the dimly lit caves and pools of the World of Darkness pavilion are home to bats, caimains, procupines, lemurs, night monkeys (a.) and other nocturnal beasts. These will reportedly be shipped away to other zoos and aquariums.

City budget cuts will lower the Bronx Zoo’s funding by $1.7 million, and another $13.3 million will be lost because of reduced donations and cuts from other levels of government.

“We will have to reduce our collections in order to handle the cuts that we already know about,” Bob Cook of the Wildlife Conservation Society, which runs the zoo, told reporters yesterday. He noted that the closures will be permanent, but there’s no word yet as to when they will take place.

Tags Bronx Zooporcupinesantelopecaimanslemursmonkeysbatsbudgets

8th April 2009

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This porcupine works hard for the money

Meet a porcupine at the Bronx Zoo whose appeals in a duo of viral videos posted early this week have helped restore New York state support of zoos, gardens and aquariums. His efforts generated a response that has now ensured some $9 million in funding for fiscal year 2010. In the process, he’s restored his own, er, “job” … of being a porcupine.

His name is Wednesday and the clip of him being “fired” can be found here. In the second video, here, he visits the unemployment office, where he hides his depression with a fit of snacking. From all this, I learned: porcupines have really big noses.

Tags porcupinesvideosbudgetsBronx Zoo